Rev. Sudha Mehta
They looked so in love when they married! The glow on their faces looked like it would last forever!! They couldn’t keep from smiling!!!
Photos from Pexel
“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”
That’s what they vowed before God . . . . He (God) was witness to it all!
Things changed fast!
Now I know a man so given to anger that he beats his wife. For the sake of the story I will call him A-Man. I will call his wife Wo-Man for the same reason.
Wo-Man lives constantly under the weight of A-Man’s swearing and cursing that fills the house and saturates the walls of their home. The embarrassment she feels keeps her pretty much homebound. Sometimes, though, it is a black eye . . . other bruises . . .
Wo-man doesn’t tell much, just tries to cover with long sleeves, makeup, sunglasses etc.
Her mother and father wonder what has happened to their daughter, she used to be a smiling, vivacious girl who had friends, enjoyed life, and laughter. They wonder why she doesn’t come around much, and finds reasons to avoid family and friend gatherings.
They do have their suspicions, but how does one confirm?!
The last birthday celebration for mama’s big fiftieth birthday they had a barbecue for forty people.
Photos from pexel
Wo-Man came and so did A-Man, but something was off. She seemed guarded. Avoiding eye contact she shied away from hugs unlike before, and he seemed sullen and angry the whole time. Was he watching her every movement? It seemed so to Brother. Brother said A-Man became a quite agitated when Cousin greeted Wo-Man and tried to give her a little hug. They had been very close growing up. Like brother and sister, they played together. Now even a hug seemed suspect.
Mama added that she noted the behavior changed once A-Man had a few drinks. At first A-Man became talkative and people thought he was jovial. Then he became angry, sullen and restless, and said some very unnecessary and unkind things.
It didn’t get too bad though . . . did it?!
Daddy said it was heading that way when A-Man told Cousin about how bad a wife Wo-Man had been. “A-Man said our daughter was a terrible woman, and a loose and immoral one at that!” said Daddy. “Then when she tried to say something, he demanded they leave.” She had planned to stay longer, but felt it would be better if they left. Daddy tried to step in and diffuse the situation, but Wo-Man just ushered him away.
After that Wo-Man didn’t come for a visit for some time.
Cousin saw her at the grocery store some days later. She had sun glasses on even though they were inside. He thought it was strange, but she said she just had been very tired and didn’t have make up on. Something sounded very wrong, so Cousin persisted and she took off her sunglasses! It was a nasty black eye!! Her eye was swollen and bloodshot. Wo-Man said she accidentally ran into A-Man’s fist! It happens . . .
Perhaps you know A-Man and Wo-Man!
Ask Wo-Man and she will tell you her black eye, the bruises she carries, and tears she sheds when no one is around are her own fault. She will tell you it is her fault because SHE makes A-Man angry.
Wo-Man will tell you she burnt the dinner so A-Man was justified in tossing his plate.
Wo-Man talked back to A-Man so he was right in hitting her.
Wo-Man wasn’t able to satisfy A-Man’s incessant sexual needs, it seems he wants sex all the time, so he gets angry. It is her fault.
Wo-Man may even tell you, “Well, he only hits me when he is drunk!” Truth is . . . A-Man does it even when he is not!
The list will go on: she didn’t iron his shirt right, there were no socks put out for him, where was his handkerchief, she didn’t pick up his pajamas from the floor where he dropped them, his tea/coffee was not hot enough, or it was too hot and burnt his lip, she didn’t apply salve on it fast enough, she walked too slow, or too fast, she was lazy, she insulted him in front of his friends by questioning his decision, she insulted his friend by not answering the door fast enough, she was showing too much skin, her skirt was too short or too tight or both, she wore too much make up, she is ugly, she ‘s too skinny, she is too fat, she is ignorant, or she thinks she knows too much, why was she talking with the cashier at the check out, who was that man, what did he want . . . stop crying, you stupid %#@##%@! Oh, and so much more!!
A-Man felt he was so entitled to his anger that he took a picture of her black and bloodshot eye and put it up on Facebook for the world to see to SHAME HER!! I saw the picture and I can’t “UNSEE” it! It lingers in my memory and I cringe!!
A-Man stopped saying sorry a long time ago. When it happened at first, he would apologize and feel sorry . . . for a little bit. He would kiss her “booboos” that he caused, while saying things like “Oh, baby, I love you so much, I am sorry I hurt you, but you know when you do what I tell you not to do, like making my coffee too hot, I get angry! Now, you made me mad, so I poured it over you. I am sorry for the burn, but if you hadn’t made it so hot, I would not have gotten angry and you would not have a burn!!”
Wo-Man’s take away from statements like this: “It is my fault!”
Perhaps you know them! A-Man and Wo-Man. They might be the couple down the block. They might live in your apartment building. They might be among your relatives.
They might be in your home . . . in the mirror!!
Are you A-Man?
Are you Wo-Man?
If you are, do you wish to be different or are you happy with life the way it is?
I hope your answer is that A-Man you see in the mirror is one you wish would go away for good. I hope you wish the Wo-Man in the mirror would look happy, healthy, pretty and smiling! I hope you want a lasting change and to bring back the days when you were so in love! I hope you want to be happy together and to grow old together and still be in love with each other. I hope you want to have children that feel safe in the family and know that mama and daddy love each other.
I hope you will stay for this series. If you do, I will tell you what the God of the Bible says to A-Man and Wo-Man.
You will learn the results of hatred, rage, bitterness and more!
You will see you what the Bible says of uncontrolled behavior, hatred, anger, bitterness, rage and rebellion as well as of forgiveness, kindness, repentance, and boundaries. If you want help, there is help, God loves you and wants things to change in your relationship for the better, but you have to want it. Remember, as I always say: It is a choice!
Think about it! Will you stay?
Be warned that I write as He gives! You may read some very kind words, but some will be the harsh truth that you may not want to read . . . rest assured it will all be written with His love.
Ephesians 4: 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. (BSB)
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